Todd Akin Was Right

Over the past few weeks, Representative Todd Akin of Missouri has been the target of a full-fledged public hate-fest over a supposedly “unforgivable” series of remarks he made during an interview with a local FOX news station. The fashionable thing for anybody even remotely involved in politics was to disown the man, save for a few pro-life organizations and devout religionists who rallied to his cause. And, what precisely, made the collective beehive that is mainstream journalism and the Washington elites transform into beastly, fire-breathing, groupthink dragoons ready to snuff out anybody who would dare pounce to the beleaguered congressman’s defense?

If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. If pregnancy does occur, I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment should be on the rapist, and not attacking the child.

Taken at face value, this is crazy talk. How could any person who isn’t a cold, calculating tin-man justify sexual assault of any sort as “legitimate?” Was he really taking his cues from stone-age patriarchs of yore who blamed the victim for enticing her assailant?

If the talking heads and pundits who rushed to condemn Akin to the pits of Hell actually took the time to chew this quote over, maybe they would realize how insanely unreasonable it is to paint this family man, God-fearing Christian, and humble Flanders archetype as some kind of sadistic, woman-hating monster. To automatically assume that Akin – whose pastors, ministers, neighbors, and friends describe him as one of the most sincere, warmhearted individuals to ever grace the face of the earth – as some knuckle-dragging swine unfit for political office is more absurd than the phrase “legitimate rape,” clipped and edited for maximum “shock” value, could ever be. Continue reading

Insanely High Corn Prices? Don’t Just Blame the Drought. Blame the EPA and the Biofuels Industry, Too.

It may not as bad as those droughts in Africa, but it’s sure not a walk in the park, either. The sun is practically frying cornfields to a crisp in some parts of the Midwest – although my family’s crops personally aren’t in any kind of, like, apocalyptic duress, as some pander-happy politicos and ratings-starved news networks would have you believe. Places like Iowa and other states nestled in the corn belt, though, probably are faring much worse than any of us Upper North Yankees.

Just one quick glance at the statistics is a one-way trip to Glumtown, if there ever was such a place. Corn production is in deadlock, hitting all-time lows – at least in terms of yield-per-acreage. (More than in 15 years, if the government’s own depressingly grim charts have anything to say about it.) And everybody knows what happens when the supply of any kind of highly valued resource is scarce. In this case, grocery stores will jack up the price and farmers will leap for the highest bids possible. And why wouldn’t they? If they didn’t, the corn supply would be quickly depleted, as shoppers would dash to buy the nearly inaccessible produce for pennies on the dollar. Better get in on the action before the stampede beats you to the checkout line. With insanely low prices like that, you couldn’t afford to miss out on the offer. Can you say recipe for disaster?

Not only would it cut into corn suppliers’ profit margins, but it would also be the epitome of economic stupidity. After all, you don’t see card-collectors selling those little pieces of paper with pictures on them (well, that’s pretty much what they are) for two bucks when there’s only, like, ten of them in the world.

So, of course, with drought hitting the Midwest like some kind of organic crock-pot, the family pocketbook is about to be rammed to high Heaven. And how, naturally, are the political do-gooders in the state capitol planning to make things right again?

Government to the rescue, of course. You can never trust ordinary people to come up with their own solutions to the hardships they’re facing. EPA Regional Administrator knows best. Continue reading

Three Cheers For Sequestration

‘Tis the season for sequestration. Or almost, anyway. You may have been hearing that word an awful lot on the nightly news lately and wondering what in godswallop it means. Why is Congress running around like a bunch of terror-stricken ants trying not to get squished to death by giant sneakers? Clearly, they’ve pushed the panic button, and out come the impassioned rants. The political class is treating this like the difference between life and death. You’d think a series of solar flares were about to fry us all to a crisp.

But enough with the bizarre analogies. What the @!*#& is sequestration? There’s a term you won’t learn in Civics Class. Continue reading

Paul Ryan Ain’t All He’s Cracked Up To Be

Mitt Romney – presumptive GOP nominee and Mattel poster boy extraordinaire – has finally announced his vice presidential pick. Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan is the man of the hour, it seems. And what a perfect pair they make: just stick a blonde wig on Ryan’s head, strap a purse to his shoulder, and you’ve basically got that classic dollie duo doing battle with the dude who says the most batshit crazy things off-teleprompter. Another election brought to you by the splendor-iffic, manufactured Candidate Generator™. It’s robo-tastic.

“Replace and repeal.” “No, health care for all.” “Let’s take back America.” “Shut up, you hate old people.” “Well, you’re just a European-style, Marx-loving Fabian.” “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re a baby-killing social Darwinist.” “I’m not the one who cut $700 billion from Medicare.” “Your plan’s worse ‘cause, erm – privatization.” “We need real leadership in Washington.” “You shipped jobs to India. Where are teh tax returnz?” “Well I’m a leader who wants America to succeed, and I will lead because I’m a leader who leads like a leader.” “Well I want America to succeed, too.” “We’re going to create jobs. We’re going to bring back prosperity and freedom and prosperity and freedom and prosperity – oops.” “A-ha! You want to slash food stamps to make Wall Street, erm, more rich. Have you no heart?” “Well you want to spread the wealth around to Solyndra and GM, tree-hugger.” “Oh, yeah, well … tax cuts for billionaires. That’s wrong vision for America. I not want poor people not happy.”

We can expect another vicious cycle of mind-numbingly stupid bumper-sticker sloganeering and shameless pandering to the gimme-what-I’m-entitled to, Red Team-Blue Team American electorate. Yes, this is what politics has been reduced to. Such is our sad state of affairs. Continue reading

And Now It’s Time to Politicize the Olympics…

The fun thing about being a political junkie is having the special (or not-so special) ability to see the hidden political side of just about everything. Every headline, every news story, every major social gathering, special occasion, box office hit, and tune on the radio – suddenly becomes a discussion, say, on the dangers of the surveillance state, the moral degeneracy of modern culture, whether more or fewer armed citizens would have prevented a senseless massacre, which side of a contentious civil war is on the right side of history, whether or not the worship of this or that historical idol on some commemoration of his accomplishments is actually worth all the hype, and how politicians and bureaucrats might be the source, not the solution, to traffic jams, delays at the airport, international terrorism, economic strife, or the overpopulation of carnivorous canines.

Whenever somebody quips, “There ought to be a law against it!” you can butt in and reply with your own snide remark about how a) there are already a million of them on the books specifically addressing the alleged “evil” the person thinks can be corrected through countercyclical government intervention or b) how any proposed remedy would actually make things worse.

And yes, they’ve even found a way to politicize the Olympics. Continue reading

The Aurora Massacre: It’s A Cover-Up, I Tells Ya!

Is everybody done talking about that shooting in Colorado now? I’m a little late to the par – erm, I mean … discussion?

Anyway, for those of you who haven’t been keeping up with the news cycle there was a bit of a, well, massacre in a quaint little Colorado city called Aurora. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Whose idea was it to name a township after that princess from Sleeping Beauty who apparently has some form of chronic fatigue syndrome? Oh, wait. That’s the last thing on your mind, you say? Um…

Maybe it’s time for me to get serious here.

So, what happened? Well, as everybody who isn’t a woodland hermit already knows, a man with no criminal record to speak of rushed into a crowded theater, on the opening premiere of the Dark Knight, and shot over fifty people, killing twelve and wounding the rest. (I think the death toll is up from that original figure, if I’m not mistaken.) Calling this a “downer” would be a vast understatement. Continue reading

Apologies For the … Mysterious, Unexplained Disappearance

A big moment of gratitude to my family for giving me the stomach flu. Yay. I’m a little behind on the blog posts, also in part due to that ideologically skewed, all-hail-the-mighty-State, the-government-has-our-best-interests-at-heart Civics Course I have to finish if I want to, well … prepare myself for a lifetime of debt bondage to get a (probably) worthless degree at some Che Guevera-worshipping university, only to not find any work in the profession I trained for.

Grr. Can you feel the cynicism emanating from my pores? That’s the abdominal cramps and grogginess talking. Deal.

Over the next fews days (weeks?), I’ll try to give my two cents on that crazy thing that happened in Colorado, the supposedly “definitive” study that proves global warming exists (pshh), the political football games being played with Pentagon budget cuts (oh no, not that), drones flying over our backyards, how the Olympics (contrary to popular wisdom) is probably screwing over the economy, Mitt Romney’s unsurprisingly Obama-esque political record, why Bain Capital was right to ship job overseas, and those effin’ al Qaeda-backed Syrian rebels that everybody seems to love so much. And probably some other current events, if my “American Government” textbook doesn’t successfully brainwash and de-program me first.

Tah-tah.

Obama’s War on Businessmen: Part 4

Obama is playing right out of the Soviet Politburo playbook with his incendiary remarks. “Think you’re being over-taxed and over-regulated, you ungrateful knaves? Why, you should hang your heads down in shame. We provide you with roads, schools, cops, and fire squads, and you dare complain about oppression, about being treated like dirt, about burdensome edicts and rules and laws? You’re supposed to give us your undying obedience. You’re supposed to show your benevolent overlords the respect they deserve. After all, you owe it to them after all the favors they do for you!” As one Reason columnist puts it, cell phone companies don’t ask their clients to, ahem – kiss the rear-ends of the company heads just because our mobiles work everyday. Forget the bridges to nowhere, the over-construction, the excessive stoplights, and the cost overruns, citizen. If it wasn’t for us, you’d be living like primitive savages in tiny little grass huts on the hill – with no contact with the outside world, and no way to get places. Continue reading

Chick Fil-A vs. the Intolerant Zealots on the Homosexual Left

Well, folks, it looks like the true colors of the so-called “gay rights” activists are being revealed once again. But, quite unlike the dazzling, glittery display of rainbow colors the roads are splattered in after one of their rip-roaring “pride” parades (as if you can be “proud” of something that is supposedly outside of your grasp), it’s not exactly the prettiest sight in the world.

And what, precisely, has motivated them to take to the streets, bang their upside-down pink triangle drums with fervor, and gallop all over town saddled on their sparkly unicorns and Barbie Doll coaches?  The president of Chick Fil-A, it seems, has ruffled their feathers. (And for those of you who’ve been living under a rock: Chick Fil-A sells first-class chicken sandwiches – mostly in the country bumpkin south, but with a few restaurants here and there throughout these fruited plains of ours.)

So, what did Dan Cathy – Chic Fil-A’s proud president and self-avowed conservative Christian – say that was so … offensive to the sensibilities of these so-called champions of “diversity” and “tolerance?” Why, he didn’t – gasp! – tow the Officially Approved Line of Opinion™ on marriage. Continue reading

Obama’s War on Businessmen: Part 3

Obama’s anti-business Freudian slip is merely a repeat of what Elizabeth Warren tried to argue in her own class envy speech. The rich need to “pay it forward.” They need to give something back to the society that gave them so much.

Do Progressives live in some kind of stone age, Jurassic Era time warp where Google’s online search engine never existed? Does the IRS write in some ancient “lost city of Atlantis” code that Obama and Warren can’t decipher, for whatever reason? If any of these folks bothered to look at the on-the-record statistics, we’d never hear the words “fair share” touch their lips again – unless they’re one of those hysterical textbook serial killers that smile so hard their faces get stuck. Here’s where the Progressives’ argument blows up like a stick of dynamite: The richety-rich already carry a disproportionate share of the tax burden, so asking them to pay more for the sake of “investing” in the so-called social framework (the supposed reason their pockets look like they’re about ready to explode) is even more stupid than taking your two-ton pet boulder with you as you dive off the swimming board. Continue reading