Obama’s War on Businessmen: Part 2

Taking a page from that corporate-bashing class warrior – Elizabeth Warren – Obama says businessowners owe a debt of gratitude to society for their success. You think you got to where you are today because of ingenuity, hard work, and a willingness to dirty your thumbs and get down to business? Pshhh. Your products are shipped all over this country on roads and highways that the rest of us – you know, the unwashed moochers – paid for. Your workers went to schools bought and paid for by the public for twelve years before signing off to slave away and break their backs at your despotic, soul-sucking corporate empire … mannnnnn! (Stop oppressing us with your “hand washing” protocols and rules against spitting in the customers’ food, boss dude, sir!) We probably pitched in for their college loans, too – maybe even picked up the check for the full cost of tuition, through subsidized grants for poor kids and such.

The only reason gangs of thugs didn’t kick down your fences and steal all your factory equipment is because we paid for police protection. For heaven’s sake, without us, jungle children (probably raised by wolves) would hijack the building and force you to fight to the death – most likely in gladiator attire, with harpoons and swords – just to get it back. We pay for firefighters to rush to the scene when your property bursts into flames. We pay for infrastructure, we pay for protection services, we pay for national defense, we pay for education – we, as a society, provide the framework that allows you to prosper. Without us, you’d be hunting lions right now, swinging from vines and cooking your own babies over a campfire just to survive. You’d be nothing to nobody – a worthless excuse for space. Continue reading

Obama’s War on Businessmen: Part 1

Looks like the Gaffe Master-in-Chief is at it again. Before a crowd of smitten, lovesick Obama Zombies™ in Roanoke, Virginia, the president said this:

“If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.”

That’s right, entrepreneurs and businessowners. You didn’t build that flourishing, lucrative, monkey-making enterprise of yours. You owe it all to the collective, and just so happened to hit the jackpot one day, you privileged, well-to-do sap.  Continue reading

How the Capital Gains and Dividends Tax Hike Will Make the Economy Go Boom-Boom

Oh, boy. All that shattering of bank windows and terrorizing of family-owned food carts – damn teenagers, building up their work ethic and getting a head start on life! – has finally paid off for Occupy Wall Street. (Not to mention all the pissing on the sidewalk and blocking street traffic. Your starving babies will have to wait. We have to do our zombie dances and scream in that mustached, network dude’s face for no apparent reason.) It’s just not fair, they seem to think, that folks like Steve Jobs stuffed their pockets by, you know – working 18 hours a day, breaking a sweat, taking risks with their own capital, and providing us with software, digital marvels, and handheld talky-gizmos which have only, like, revolutionized the way we share information, communicate, and do business. Bleh.

So what if our lives are so much easier, now that we don’t have to kill so many trees or ship 1000-page piles of paper all over the place? So what if we’re not dragging around our personal computers in bags of equipment that weigh more than a sack of rocks, now that they’re so much more compact and slim? So what if I don’t have to listen to Grandma’s polka music when I’m riding in the backseat of her Buick, now that thousands of tunes fit neatly in my own pants pocket? It doesn’t matter because he had more stuff than I did, and I want it, and I’m jealous, and – wahhhhh. I hate my life.

So, President “You Didn’t Build That Business” Obama is hiking the tax on capital gains to show those money-grubbing, good-for-nothing architects of civilization what’s for. Continue reading

Stop That Man Before He Holds Another Bible Study At His House!

If I were to tell you that some guy was arrested for inviting people over for Bible studies in his own home, you’d probably would think that I was talking about the victim of an anti-Christian witch-hunt somewhere in North Africa or the Middle East. Thank God folks here in America aren’t burned at the stake for wearing the Holy cross around their neck, gathering ‘round to sing hymnals, or bowing before statues of that virgin lady everybody seems to love so much Freedom of religious expression is pretty much guaranteed in this country, right? Didn’t the holier-than-thou  Puritans – who spoke like those melodramatic drama queens in the Shakespeare plays – escape the British Kingdom for these shores precisely because they were reviled and crucified for the way they chose to express their faith? Can’t a sweet-tempered goody two-shoes – Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or atheist – simply live in peace? Isn’t that what this nation is all about?

Nope. Apparently, your neighbors’ property values trump your right to worship freely on your own land – as one unfortunate sap found out the hard way during these past few ker-azzzzzy months. Continue reading

How Obama, Mitt Romney, the Republicans, and Pretty Much Everyone Else Is Screwing Up Health Care: Part 2

To Smash the State, Or Not To Smash It (That is the Question)

Now that the Supreme Court has signed off on ObamaCare’s alleged “constitutionality” (which, in my previous post, I disputed with theatric, melodramatic fervor and angst – “Dost thou betray us, Brother Roberts?”), it now falls to the American people and their elected representatives in Congress as to how they will respond to such unspeakable horrors. (There I go again.) Do they want to crumple up this Lucifer-designed laundry-list of State-enforced commandments – and throw it into the scrapheap of history, never to see the light of day again – or cherry-pick which provisions should stay and which ones should, in essence, be covered with allegorical white-out? (No, I’m not doing another Al Gore joke.) Do they want to “nudge” our political elites in the right direction through written petitions and friendly letters, or do they wish to take the more radical approach and, through their state governments, disobey the commands issued from on yonder? Will the governors say, “Not in my state!” or will they, like so many weak-kneed leaders before them, fall dutifully in line with federal orders? Are they willing to roll out the tanks, state militias, and local police if federal troops storm in to arrest people who have the courage to resist and rebel against the unlawful and treacherous power-grabs of the Washington industrial-apparatus, or will they back down, wave the white flag, and surrender?

Is the Constitution the supreme law of the land, or is it the discretion of nine unelected oracles in robes, the self-anointed monarch in the Oval Office, and the elected slave-drivers in Congress? Will the states say, “An unconstitutional law is null, void, of no effect, and we refuse to enforce such lawlessness on our soil?” or will they say, “Well, if the nine justices on the Supreme Court say the sky is purple and the grass is orange, it isn’t our place to question them?” Is the Court staffed with infallible angels sent from above, or are they human beings bound to trip up from time to time? What if they say that, since a majority of legislators approve rounding up black people and detaining them in concentration camps – without due process – the Bill of Rights no longer applies? What if they say that sniping down protestors who are holding rallies on their own property is perfectly within the president’s purview? Will we take their word as sacred and unquestionable?

Continue reading

How Obama, Mitt Romney, the Republicans, and Pretty Much Everyone Else Is Screwing Up Health Care: Part 1


When it comes to political marketing gimmicks, Obama knows every trick in the bag. He may be one hell of a swindler, but with the way he sells his agenda, few of us would ever know it. He knows how to tug at our heartstrings. He knows how to touch our nerves. By the time he’s done delivering his presidential Sermon on the Mount, our face is drenched in tears, with tissues all over the floor. He is an insurmountable master of emotional manipulation – like that spoiled, prissy rich kid who knows how to push dear ol’ Daddy’s buttons and get him to buy her three ponies, five Chryslers, and a chinchilla every week. But instead of stomping his feet on the floor like a bull on steroids, throwing the antique China around, and shouting “Daddy, you hate me!” loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, our Commander in Chief shows his big shiny teeth, emphatically says “Now, let me be clear” a hundred different times, and hopes we’re about as moved by his tales of despair as we are by the wildebeest stampede scene from The Lion King. He’s one slick snake oils merchant.

So as his supporters were biting off fingers at town halls and sending union goons to beat up black dudes, our political Messiah in the White House – doing his best impression of a holier than thou crusader for justice – hoodwinked many of us into believing that his health care reform bill would part the oceans and turn fish into bread. And boy, did we ever fall for it! Continue reading

ObamaCare: It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over

I don’t know if “Is this really happening?” is the appropriate question to ask after this week’s Supreme Court ruling over ObamaCare. I mean, who do you expect the government’s own lawyers (that is, justices) to side with? The unwashed rubes? The Supreme Court is just another subdivision of the Washington industrial-apparatus. Expecting the government to police its own self is like asking a liquor fiend to cut down on the Captain Morgan without anybody there to cut him off. There’s nobody there to say, “Hey, buddy, overkill. Don’t get carried away there. Not to be a party pooper, but you’ve gone off the deep end. Time to rain on this parade.” And if a husband and wife are screaming at each other’s throats, getting his best friend to settle the dispute is just asking for trouble. Who sides against their own homeboy?

Likewise, the Washington Supremes are appointed by the government, receive their paychecks from the government, and work for the government. Once and awhile, their conscience gets the best of them, but when the pigeons hit the blade, don’t be surprised if they got their whip-holding master’s back. (Don’t ask me what that means. I don’t even know what I just said.) So, there you have it, folks. ObamaCare’s constitutional. Proponents of government so small you could drown it in a bathtub – and freedom-loving capitalist piglets everywhere – are blowing “Taps” in their trumpets as we speak. And Koch Industries is selling tissues at unspeakably low prices. What do you say, Dick Armey? No shame, buddy. It’s not a feather in my eye, either. Continue reading