Paul Ryan Ain’t All He’s Cracked Up To Be

Mitt Romney – presumptive GOP nominee and Mattel poster boy extraordinaire – has finally announced his vice presidential pick. Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan is the man of the hour, it seems. And what a perfect pair they make: just stick a blonde wig on Ryan’s head, strap a purse to his shoulder, and you’ve basically got that classic dollie duo doing battle with the dude who says the most batshit crazy things off-teleprompter. Another election brought to you by the splendor-iffic, manufactured Candidate Generator™. It’s robo-tastic.

“Replace and repeal.” “No, health care for all.” “Let’s take back America.” “Shut up, you hate old people.” “Well, you’re just a European-style, Marx-loving Fabian.” “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re a baby-killing social Darwinist.” “I’m not the one who cut $700 billion from Medicare.” “Your plan’s worse ‘cause, erm – privatization.” “We need real leadership in Washington.” “You shipped jobs to India. Where are teh tax returnz?” “Well I’m a leader who wants America to succeed, and I will lead because I’m a leader who leads like a leader.” “Well I want America to succeed, too.” “We’re going to create jobs. We’re going to bring back prosperity and freedom and prosperity and freedom and prosperity – oops.” “A-ha! You want to slash food stamps to make Wall Street, erm, more rich. Have you no heart?” “Well you want to spread the wealth around to Solyndra and GM, tree-hugger.” “Oh, yeah, well … tax cuts for billionaires. That’s wrong vision for America. I not want poor people not happy.”

We can expect another vicious cycle of mind-numbingly stupid bumper-sticker sloganeering and shameless pandering to the gimme-what-I’m-entitled to, Red Team-Blue Team American electorate. Yes, this is what politics has been reduced to. Such is our sad state of affairs. Continue reading

ObamaCare: It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over

I don’t know if “Is this really happening?” is the appropriate question to ask after this week’s Supreme Court ruling over ObamaCare. I mean, who do you expect the government’s own lawyers (that is, justices) to side with? The unwashed rubes? The Supreme Court is just another subdivision of the Washington industrial-apparatus. Expecting the government to police its own self is like asking a liquor fiend to cut down on the Captain Morgan without anybody there to cut him off. There’s nobody there to say, “Hey, buddy, overkill. Don’t get carried away there. Not to be a party pooper, but you’ve gone off the deep end. Time to rain on this parade.” And if a husband and wife are screaming at each other’s throats, getting his best friend to settle the dispute is just asking for trouble. Who sides against their own homeboy?

Likewise, the Washington Supremes are appointed by the government, receive their paychecks from the government, and work for the government. Once and awhile, their conscience gets the best of them, but when the pigeons hit the blade, don’t be surprised if they got their whip-holding master’s back. (Don’t ask me what that means. I don’t even know what I just said.) So, there you have it, folks. ObamaCare’s constitutional. Proponents of government so small you could drown it in a bathtub – and freedom-loving capitalist piglets everywhere – are blowing “Taps” in their trumpets as we speak. And Koch Industries is selling tissues at unspeakably low prices. What do you say, Dick Armey? No shame, buddy. It’s not a feather in my eye, either. Continue reading