Todd Akin Was Right

Over the past few weeks, Representative Todd Akin of Missouri has been the target of a full-fledged public hate-fest over a supposedly “unforgivable” series of remarks he made during an interview with a local FOX news station. The fashionable thing for anybody even remotely involved in politics was to disown the man, save for a few pro-life organizations and devout religionists who rallied to his cause. And, what precisely, made the collective beehive that is mainstream journalism and the Washington elites transform into beastly, fire-breathing, groupthink dragoons ready to snuff out anybody who would dare pounce to the beleaguered congressman’s defense?

If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. If pregnancy does occur, I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment should be on the rapist, and not attacking the child.

Taken at face value, this is crazy talk. How could any person who isn’t a cold, calculating tin-man justify sexual assault of any sort as “legitimate?” Was he really taking his cues from stone-age patriarchs of yore who blamed the victim for enticing her assailant?

If the talking heads and pundits who rushed to condemn Akin to the pits of Hell actually took the time to chew this quote over, maybe they would realize how insanely unreasonable it is to paint this family man, God-fearing Christian, and humble Flanders archetype as some kind of sadistic, woman-hating monster. To automatically assume that Akin – whose pastors, ministers, neighbors, and friends describe him as one of the most sincere, warmhearted individuals to ever grace the face of the earth – as some knuckle-dragging swine unfit for political office is more absurd than the phrase “legitimate rape,” clipped and edited for maximum “shock” value, could ever be. Continue reading

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Paul Ryan Ain’t All He’s Cracked Up To Be

Mitt Romney – presumptive GOP nominee and Mattel poster boy extraordinaire – has finally announced his vice presidential pick. Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan is the man of the hour, it seems. And what a perfect pair they make: just stick a blonde wig on Ryan’s head, strap a purse to his shoulder, and you’ve basically got that classic dollie duo doing battle with the dude who says the most batshit crazy things off-teleprompter. Another election brought to you by the splendor-iffic, manufactured Candidate Generator™. It’s robo-tastic.

“Replace and repeal.” “No, health care for all.” “Let’s take back America.” “Shut up, you hate old people.” “Well, you’re just a European-style, Marx-loving Fabian.” “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re a baby-killing social Darwinist.” “I’m not the one who cut $700 billion from Medicare.” “Your plan’s worse ‘cause, erm – privatization.” “We need real leadership in Washington.” “You shipped jobs to India. Where are teh tax returnz?” “Well I’m a leader who wants America to succeed, and I will lead because I’m a leader who leads like a leader.” “Well I want America to succeed, too.” “We’re going to create jobs. We’re going to bring back prosperity and freedom and prosperity and freedom and prosperity – oops.” “A-ha! You want to slash food stamps to make Wall Street, erm, more rich. Have you no heart?” “Well you want to spread the wealth around to Solyndra and GM, tree-hugger.” “Oh, yeah, well … tax cuts for billionaires. That’s wrong vision for America. I not want poor people not happy.”

We can expect another vicious cycle of mind-numbingly stupid bumper-sticker sloganeering and shameless pandering to the gimme-what-I’m-entitled to, Red Team-Blue Team American electorate. Yes, this is what politics has been reduced to. Such is our sad state of affairs. Continue reading

How Obama, Mitt Romney, the Republicans, and Pretty Much Everyone Else Is Screwing Up Health Care: Part 2

To Smash the State, Or Not To Smash It (That is the Question)

Now that the Supreme Court has signed off on ObamaCare’s alleged “constitutionality” (which, in my previous post, I disputed with theatric, melodramatic fervor and angst – “Dost thou betray us, Brother Roberts?”), it now falls to the American people and their elected representatives in Congress as to how they will respond to such unspeakable horrors. (There I go again.) Do they want to crumple up this Lucifer-designed laundry-list of State-enforced commandments – and throw it into the scrapheap of history, never to see the light of day again – or cherry-pick which provisions should stay and which ones should, in essence, be covered with allegorical white-out? (No, I’m not doing another Al Gore joke.) Do they want to “nudge” our political elites in the right direction through written petitions and friendly letters, or do they wish to take the more radical approach and, through their state governments, disobey the commands issued from on yonder? Will the governors say, “Not in my state!” or will they, like so many weak-kneed leaders before them, fall dutifully in line with federal orders? Are they willing to roll out the tanks, state militias, and local police if federal troops storm in to arrest people who have the courage to resist and rebel against the unlawful and treacherous power-grabs of the Washington industrial-apparatus, or will they back down, wave the white flag, and surrender?

Is the Constitution the supreme law of the land, or is it the discretion of nine unelected oracles in robes, the self-anointed monarch in the Oval Office, and the elected slave-drivers in Congress? Will the states say, “An unconstitutional law is null, void, of no effect, and we refuse to enforce such lawlessness on our soil?” or will they say, “Well, if the nine justices on the Supreme Court say the sky is purple and the grass is orange, it isn’t our place to question them?” Is the Court staffed with infallible angels sent from above, or are they human beings bound to trip up from time to time? What if they say that, since a majority of legislators approve rounding up black people and detaining them in concentration camps – without due process – the Bill of Rights no longer applies? What if they say that sniping down protestors who are holding rallies on their own property is perfectly within the president’s purview? Will we take their word as sacred and unquestionable?

Continue reading

How Obama, Mitt Romney, the Republicans, and Pretty Much Everyone Else Is Screwing Up Health Care: Part 1


When it comes to political marketing gimmicks, Obama knows every trick in the bag. He may be one hell of a swindler, but with the way he sells his agenda, few of us would ever know it. He knows how to tug at our heartstrings. He knows how to touch our nerves. By the time he’s done delivering his presidential Sermon on the Mount, our face is drenched in tears, with tissues all over the floor. He is an insurmountable master of emotional manipulation – like that spoiled, prissy rich kid who knows how to push dear ol’ Daddy’s buttons and get him to buy her three ponies, five Chryslers, and a chinchilla every week. But instead of stomping his feet on the floor like a bull on steroids, throwing the antique China around, and shouting “Daddy, you hate me!” loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, our Commander in Chief shows his big shiny teeth, emphatically says “Now, let me be clear” a hundred different times, and hopes we’re about as moved by his tales of despair as we are by the wildebeest stampede scene from The Lion King. He’s one slick snake oils merchant.

So as his supporters were biting off fingers at town halls and sending union goons to beat up black dudes, our political Messiah in the White House – doing his best impression of a holier than thou crusader for justice – hoodwinked many of us into believing that his health care reform bill would part the oceans and turn fish into bread. And boy, did we ever fall for it! Continue reading

ObamaCare: It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over

I don’t know if “Is this really happening?” is the appropriate question to ask after this week’s Supreme Court ruling over ObamaCare. I mean, who do you expect the government’s own lawyers (that is, justices) to side with? The unwashed rubes? The Supreme Court is just another subdivision of the Washington industrial-apparatus. Expecting the government to police its own self is like asking a liquor fiend to cut down on the Captain Morgan without anybody there to cut him off. There’s nobody there to say, “Hey, buddy, overkill. Don’t get carried away there. Not to be a party pooper, but you’ve gone off the deep end. Time to rain on this parade.” And if a husband and wife are screaming at each other’s throats, getting his best friend to settle the dispute is just asking for trouble. Who sides against their own homeboy?

Likewise, the Washington Supremes are appointed by the government, receive their paychecks from the government, and work for the government. Once and awhile, their conscience gets the best of them, but when the pigeons hit the blade, don’t be surprised if they got their whip-holding master’s back. (Don’t ask me what that means. I don’t even know what I just said.) So, there you have it, folks. ObamaCare’s constitutional. Proponents of government so small you could drown it in a bathtub – and freedom-loving capitalist piglets everywhere – are blowing “Taps” in their trumpets as we speak. And Koch Industries is selling tissues at unspeakably low prices. What do you say, Dick Armey? No shame, buddy. It’s not a feather in my eye, either. Continue reading