Insanely High Corn Prices? Don’t Just Blame the Drought. Blame the EPA and the Biofuels Industry, Too.

It may not as bad as those droughts in Africa, but it’s sure not a walk in the park, either. The sun is practically frying cornfields to a crisp in some parts of the Midwest – although my family’s crops personally aren’t in any kind of, like, apocalyptic duress, as some pander-happy politicos and ratings-starved news networks would have you believe. Places like Iowa and other states nestled in the corn belt, though, probably are faring much worse than any of us Upper North Yankees.

Just one quick glance at the statistics is a one-way trip to Glumtown, if there ever was such a place. Corn production is in deadlock, hitting all-time lows – at least in terms of yield-per-acreage. (More than in 15 years, if the government’s own depressingly grim charts have anything to say about it.) And everybody knows what happens when the supply of any kind of highly valued resource is scarce. In this case, grocery stores will jack up the price and farmers will leap for the highest bids possible. And why wouldn’t they? If they didn’t, the corn supply would be quickly depleted, as shoppers would dash to buy the nearly inaccessible produce for pennies on the dollar. Better get in on the action before the stampede beats you to the checkout line. With insanely low prices like that, you couldn’t afford to miss out on the offer. Can you say recipe for disaster?

Not only would it cut into corn suppliers’ profit margins, but it would also be the epitome of economic stupidity. After all, you don’t see card-collectors selling those little pieces of paper with pictures on them (well, that’s pretty much what they are) for two bucks when there’s only, like, ten of them in the world.

So, of course, with drought hitting the Midwest like some kind of organic crock-pot, the family pocketbook is about to be rammed to high Heaven. And how, naturally, are the political do-gooders in the state capitol planning to make things right again?

Government to the rescue, of course. You can never trust ordinary people to come up with their own solutions to the hardships they’re facing. EPA Regional Administrator knows best. Continue reading

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The Aurora Massacre: It’s A Cover-Up, I Tells Ya!

Is everybody done talking about that shooting in Colorado now? I’m a little late to the par – erm, I mean … discussion?

Anyway, for those of you who haven’t been keeping up with the news cycle there was a bit of a, well, massacre in a quaint little Colorado city called Aurora. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Whose idea was it to name a township after that princess from Sleeping Beauty who apparently has some form of chronic fatigue syndrome? Oh, wait. That’s the last thing on your mind, you say? Um…

Maybe it’s time for me to get serious here.

So, what happened? Well, as everybody who isn’t a woodland hermit already knows, a man with no criminal record to speak of rushed into a crowded theater, on the opening premiere of the Dark Knight, and shot over fifty people, killing twelve and wounding the rest. (I think the death toll is up from that original figure, if I’m not mistaken.) Calling this a “downer” would be a vast understatement. Continue reading

Chick Fil-A vs. the Intolerant Zealots on the Homosexual Left

Well, folks, it looks like the true colors of the so-called “gay rights” activists are being revealed once again. But, quite unlike the dazzling, glittery display of rainbow colors the roads are splattered in after one of their rip-roaring “pride” parades (as if you can be “proud” of something that is supposedly outside of your grasp), it’s not exactly the prettiest sight in the world.

And what, precisely, has motivated them to take to the streets, bang their upside-down pink triangle drums with fervor, and gallop all over town saddled on their sparkly unicorns and Barbie Doll coaches?  The president of Chick Fil-A, it seems, has ruffled their feathers. (And for those of you who’ve been living under a rock: Chick Fil-A sells first-class chicken sandwiches – mostly in the country bumpkin south, but with a few restaurants here and there throughout these fruited plains of ours.)

So, what did Dan Cathy – Chic Fil-A’s proud president and self-avowed conservative Christian – say that was so … offensive to the sensibilities of these so-called champions of “diversity” and “tolerance?” Why, he didn’t – gasp! – tow the Officially Approved Line of Opinion™ on marriage. Continue reading

Stop That Man Before He Holds Another Bible Study At His House!

If I were to tell you that some guy was arrested for inviting people over for Bible studies in his own home, you’d probably would think that I was talking about the victim of an anti-Christian witch-hunt somewhere in North Africa or the Middle East. Thank God folks here in America aren’t burned at the stake for wearing the Holy cross around their neck, gathering ‘round to sing hymnals, or bowing before statues of that virgin lady everybody seems to love so much Freedom of religious expression is pretty much guaranteed in this country, right? Didn’t the holier-than-thou  Puritans – who spoke like those melodramatic drama queens in the Shakespeare plays – escape the British Kingdom for these shores precisely because they were reviled and crucified for the way they chose to express their faith? Can’t a sweet-tempered goody two-shoes – Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or atheist – simply live in peace? Isn’t that what this nation is all about?

Nope. Apparently, your neighbors’ property values trump your right to worship freely on your own land – as one unfortunate sap found out the hard way during these past few ker-azzzzzy months. Continue reading

How Obama, Mitt Romney, the Republicans, and Pretty Much Everyone Else Is Screwing Up Health Care: Part 2

To Smash the State, Or Not To Smash It (That is the Question)

Now that the Supreme Court has signed off on ObamaCare’s alleged “constitutionality” (which, in my previous post, I disputed with theatric, melodramatic fervor and angst – “Dost thou betray us, Brother Roberts?”), it now falls to the American people and their elected representatives in Congress as to how they will respond to such unspeakable horrors. (There I go again.) Do they want to crumple up this Lucifer-designed laundry-list of State-enforced commandments – and throw it into the scrapheap of history, never to see the light of day again – or cherry-pick which provisions should stay and which ones should, in essence, be covered with allegorical white-out? (No, I’m not doing another Al Gore joke.) Do they want to “nudge” our political elites in the right direction through written petitions and friendly letters, or do they wish to take the more radical approach and, through their state governments, disobey the commands issued from on yonder? Will the governors say, “Not in my state!” or will they, like so many weak-kneed leaders before them, fall dutifully in line with federal orders? Are they willing to roll out the tanks, state militias, and local police if federal troops storm in to arrest people who have the courage to resist and rebel against the unlawful and treacherous power-grabs of the Washington industrial-apparatus, or will they back down, wave the white flag, and surrender?

Is the Constitution the supreme law of the land, or is it the discretion of nine unelected oracles in robes, the self-anointed monarch in the Oval Office, and the elected slave-drivers in Congress? Will the states say, “An unconstitutional law is null, void, of no effect, and we refuse to enforce such lawlessness on our soil?” or will they say, “Well, if the nine justices on the Supreme Court say the sky is purple and the grass is orange, it isn’t our place to question them?” Is the Court staffed with infallible angels sent from above, or are they human beings bound to trip up from time to time? What if they say that, since a majority of legislators approve rounding up black people and detaining them in concentration camps – without due process – the Bill of Rights no longer applies? What if they say that sniping down protestors who are holding rallies on their own property is perfectly within the president’s purview? Will we take their word as sacred and unquestionable?

Continue reading

How Obama, Mitt Romney, the Republicans, and Pretty Much Everyone Else Is Screwing Up Health Care: Part 1


When it comes to political marketing gimmicks, Obama knows every trick in the bag. He may be one hell of a swindler, but with the way he sells his agenda, few of us would ever know it. He knows how to tug at our heartstrings. He knows how to touch our nerves. By the time he’s done delivering his presidential Sermon on the Mount, our face is drenched in tears, with tissues all over the floor. He is an insurmountable master of emotional manipulation – like that spoiled, prissy rich kid who knows how to push dear ol’ Daddy’s buttons and get him to buy her three ponies, five Chryslers, and a chinchilla every week. But instead of stomping his feet on the floor like a bull on steroids, throwing the antique China around, and shouting “Daddy, you hate me!” loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, our Commander in Chief shows his big shiny teeth, emphatically says “Now, let me be clear” a hundred different times, and hopes we’re about as moved by his tales of despair as we are by the wildebeest stampede scene from The Lion King. He’s one slick snake oils merchant.

So as his supporters were biting off fingers at town halls and sending union goons to beat up black dudes, our political Messiah in the White House – doing his best impression of a holier than thou crusader for justice – hoodwinked many of us into believing that his health care reform bill would part the oceans and turn fish into bread. And boy, did we ever fall for it! Continue reading

ObamaCare: It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over

I don’t know if “Is this really happening?” is the appropriate question to ask after this week’s Supreme Court ruling over ObamaCare. I mean, who do you expect the government’s own lawyers (that is, justices) to side with? The unwashed rubes? The Supreme Court is just another subdivision of the Washington industrial-apparatus. Expecting the government to police its own self is like asking a liquor fiend to cut down on the Captain Morgan without anybody there to cut him off. There’s nobody there to say, “Hey, buddy, overkill. Don’t get carried away there. Not to be a party pooper, but you’ve gone off the deep end. Time to rain on this parade.” And if a husband and wife are screaming at each other’s throats, getting his best friend to settle the dispute is just asking for trouble. Who sides against their own homeboy?

Likewise, the Washington Supremes are appointed by the government, receive their paychecks from the government, and work for the government. Once and awhile, their conscience gets the best of them, but when the pigeons hit the blade, don’t be surprised if they got their whip-holding master’s back. (Don’t ask me what that means. I don’t even know what I just said.) So, there you have it, folks. ObamaCare’s constitutional. Proponents of government so small you could drown it in a bathtub – and freedom-loving capitalist piglets everywhere – are blowing “Taps” in their trumpets as we speak. And Koch Industries is selling tissues at unspeakably low prices. What do you say, Dick Armey? No shame, buddy. It’s not a feather in my eye, either. Continue reading