Three Cheers For Sequestration

‘Tis the season for sequestration. Or almost, anyway. You may have been hearing that word an awful lot on the nightly news lately and wondering what in godswallop it means. Why is Congress running around like a bunch of terror-stricken ants trying not to get squished to death by giant sneakers? Clearly, they’ve pushed the panic button, and out come the impassioned rants. The political class is treating this like the difference between life and death. You’d think a series of solar flares were about to fry us all to a crisp.

But enough with the bizarre analogies. What the @!*#& is sequestration? There’s a term you won’t learn in Civics Class. Continue reading

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Paul Ryan Ain’t All He’s Cracked Up To Be

Mitt Romney – presumptive GOP nominee and Mattel poster boy extraordinaire – has finally announced his vice presidential pick. Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan is the man of the hour, it seems. And what a perfect pair they make: just stick a blonde wig on Ryan’s head, strap a purse to his shoulder, and you’ve basically got that classic dollie duo doing battle with the dude who says the most batshit crazy things off-teleprompter. Another election brought to you by the splendor-iffic, manufactured Candidate Generator™. It’s robo-tastic.

“Replace and repeal.” “No, health care for all.” “Let’s take back America.” “Shut up, you hate old people.” “Well, you’re just a European-style, Marx-loving Fabian.” “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re a baby-killing social Darwinist.” “I’m not the one who cut $700 billion from Medicare.” “Your plan’s worse ‘cause, erm – privatization.” “We need real leadership in Washington.” “You shipped jobs to India. Where are teh tax returnz?” “Well I’m a leader who wants America to succeed, and I will lead because I’m a leader who leads like a leader.” “Well I want America to succeed, too.” “We’re going to create jobs. We’re going to bring back prosperity and freedom and prosperity and freedom and prosperity – oops.” “A-ha! You want to slash food stamps to make Wall Street, erm, more rich. Have you no heart?” “Well you want to spread the wealth around to Solyndra and GM, tree-hugger.” “Oh, yeah, well … tax cuts for billionaires. That’s wrong vision for America. I not want poor people not happy.”

We can expect another vicious cycle of mind-numbingly stupid bumper-sticker sloganeering and shameless pandering to the gimme-what-I’m-entitled to, Red Team-Blue Team American electorate. Yes, this is what politics has been reduced to. Such is our sad state of affairs. Continue reading