Insanely High Corn Prices? Don’t Just Blame the Drought. Blame the EPA and the Biofuels Industry, Too.

It may not as bad as those droughts in Africa, but it’s sure not a walk in the park, either. The sun is practically frying cornfields to a crisp in some parts of the Midwest – although my family’s crops personally aren’t in any kind of, like, apocalyptic duress, as some pander-happy politicos and ratings-starved news networks would have you believe. Places like Iowa and other states nestled in the corn belt, though, probably are faring much worse than any of us Upper North Yankees.

Just one quick glance at the statistics is a one-way trip to Glumtown, if there ever was such a place. Corn production is in deadlock, hitting all-time lows – at least in terms of yield-per-acreage. (More than in 15 years, if the government’s own depressingly grim charts have anything to say about it.) And everybody knows what happens when the supply of any kind of highly valued resource is scarce. In this case, grocery stores will jack up the price and farmers will leap for the highest bids possible. And why wouldn’t they? If they didn’t, the corn supply would be quickly depleted, as shoppers would dash to buy the nearly inaccessible produce for pennies on the dollar. Better get in on the action before the stampede beats you to the checkout line. With insanely low prices like that, you couldn’t afford to miss out on the offer. Can you say recipe for disaster?

Not only would it cut into corn suppliers’ profit margins, but it would also be the epitome of economic stupidity. After all, you don’t see card-collectors selling those little pieces of paper with pictures on them (well, that’s pretty much what they are) for two bucks when there’s only, like, ten of them in the world.

So, of course, with drought hitting the Midwest like some kind of organic crock-pot, the family pocketbook is about to be rammed to high Heaven. And how, naturally, are the political do-gooders in the state capitol planning to make things right again?

Government to the rescue, of course. You can never trust ordinary people to come up with their own solutions to the hardships they’re facing. EPA Regional Administrator knows best.